My definition of a SoulFull Biz is a business with less stress that you love with clients that are in alignment with you and your business. “Soulfull” is your soul being fulfilled with ease, alignment and support.
Last December, while doing my CDF ritual (core desired feelings) inspired by Danielle LaPorte’s Desire Map, “soulfull” kept coming up during my meditations. I was not comfortable with it, but it was relentless. On January 1st, it was added to my list of CDFs that I wrote in my virgin 2016 planner.
Ironically enough, aligned and supported were carried over from 2015, as were several of my other CDFs. Ease is new for 2016. Something I’ve learned with working with my CDFs is that sometimes it’s a feeling you want to achieve, not necessarily where you are at in the present.
I struggled with “soulfull” for months, to be honest. Mostly because my soul wasn’t fulfilled (and it’s still a work in progress, but we’ll keep that a secret … hmmmm), there was no alignment or support in any area of my life, including my business. I was dealing with a couple of difficult clients that carried over from 2015 into the new year. I was struggling with doing the “Momma of a preschooler” juggle and feeling unsupported.
I kept asking the Universe what I was missing. HAHA Let’s think about this a moment. Yeah. The Universe answered, I just didn’t listen! ::facepalm::
OH …. right!?!?!?! SOULFULL! **wink, wink** ::thumbsup:: Got it!!!
Of course, it was more like a brick hitting me in the head with the Universe screaming at me through a megaphone, with LOTS of hand gestures — Italian Grandma style — and LOTS of colorful language o.O
It came down to mindset. I needed to change my thought processes. I needed to turn things around in my head as far as what I believed to be true – which incidentally were really my own fears, my lack of accountability to myself and quite possibly my own whiney poo-poo perspectives of which I will not confirm nor deny.
I realized, after much thought — deep delving into that dark place we all pack up and put in the farthest corners of our subconscious closets — that I was stuck on old beliefs and mindsets that really were not my own to begin with or so outdated it was time to swap that shit out!
3 Mindsets I needed to change to create a more SoulFull Biz
Mindset change #1 ~ Boundaries and Non-Negotiables are NOT negotiable!
I know so MANY people who think that boundaries and other non-negotiables are just guidelines. They are NOT GUIDELINES! These are things we deem okay and not okay. Period!
I’ve been setting and resetting my boundaries for several years. This year was the first time I added non-negotiables to my list. And it’s made such a difference in so many of the things I do both personally and with my business. My boundaries and non-negotiables are what’s okay for me and what’s not okay for me. They are not guidelines to work around.
I AM NOT A DOORMAT! YOU ARE NOT A DOORMAT!
IT’S TIME TO STOP LETTING OTHER PEOPLE DICTATE WHAT YOU WILL ACCEPT OR WON’T ACCEPT – BOTH PERSONALLY AND IN YOUR BUSINESS!
The beautiful thing is that we don’t have to allow those velvet rope jumpers (those people who try to cross or bend our boundaries and non-negotiables) to stay in our lives. I don’t. They have no place in any of my circles — face to face or virtually. This includes “family”. One of my non-negotiables includes NO EXCEPTIONS TO THE RULE!
Being the sassy, saucy bitch that I am, quite honestly, I don’t have any guilt about it, either. When you stop letting people manipulate or guilt-trip you, AMAZING FUCKING THINGS BEGIN TO HAPPEN!
Mindset change #2 ~ Your clients are NOT your boss, just because they paid you.
I didn’t realize I was a victim to this mindset until someone had the nerve to say it me – “I paid you so I’m your boss.”
500 hundred shades of red, eyes blacker than tar pits, feeling Hades and the Devil themselves shudder at the anger seeping through my inner core could not keep the Broadway lights flashing the words “Oh no you di’n’t!” across my forehead.
The only words I could utter at first were “Wait … What?!?!?!?” complete with visible eye twitch. It took another few seconds to compose myself (mind you, it was the worst composing I’ve ever done in my life) and the sheer physical strength it took to keep my arm from reaching back and shoving my fist into that person’s face was my breaking point. And a-ha moment.
This mindset that we need to make the client happy at all costs because they paid us is pure, unadulterated BULLSHIT! And it took a split second of nearly committing assault and battery for me to realize that.
The biggest negative downer and dream killer I see among so many freelancers and other solopreneurs is they allow their clients to be the boss or truly believe they have to make that client happy at all costs. When this causes sleepless nights, feeling worthless and inadequate, and that sick feeling the pit of your stomach every time you open your inbox, it is NOT worth the cost.
This is NOT a good thing, people! Sorry — NOT SORRY! Calling bullshit!
This mindset that the client is your boss because they are paying you or that you have to make them happy at all costs is a lack mindset. This mindset exists because of fear, because we need the money. This mindset is what gives those clients the power over you, that think it’s okay to be a velvet rope jumper, and literally have no respect for you or your time..
This is like telling me that I’m the boss of my accountant, my banker, my cable guy (oh wait … I’m married to my cable guy so that doesn’t count LOLz), the plumber, the air conditioner guy, the pool guy or gal, the realtor, the hosting company I use to host my websites, the plugin author who I bought ABC plugin from, the phone company, the electric company, the water people, and EVERY SINGLE OTHER PERSON OR COMPANY I PAY TO HELP MAKE MY LIFE EASIER, BETTER, OR WHATEVER.
UM … NO! I am NOT their boss. That is not how it works!
And if you try to tell any of those people that you are their boss because you are paying them, 9 times out 10 they’re gonna laugh at you and tell you to go some where else or use some pretty colorful language … or both!
Mindset change #3 ~ You cannot please EVERYONE! And it’s okay to say NO!
As a woman, and especially as a mom, I find we try to please everyone; to make everyone happy. We don’t say NO enough! And sometimes (okay a LOT of the time) it is at the cost of our own happiness.
This holds true for our businesses as well.
Guess what? We’re not going to please everyone. Just like not everyone pleases us. And it’s perfectly okay to say NO. The World is NOT going to end!!
Several months back I was watching a video with Gina DeVee – she was talking about that crappy lack mindset and how we, especially as women, tend to take on clients that are not ideal to us or aligned with our boundaries and non-negotiables simply because we 1) need the money and 2) feel the need to make everyone else happy – because we don’t say NO enough.
Besides her straight forward “Knock That Off” sermon (which she’s good at, mind you) she said something that clicked, that somehow gave me permission to stop saying yes to potential clients that are not ideal. She said “Lean back! What do clients need to work with you?”
Seriously, it was like a lightbulb that went off in my head. “Wait?!?!? You mean I’m the BOSS of MY OWN BUSINESS?!?!?! Who knew?!?!?!”
If you want a more soulfull biz, a business that fills YOUR SOUL with happiness, a business that is less stressful, honestly, I believe these are mindsets that need to be reset in your own head and heart.
Boundaries are so important and if we don’t stand our ground firmly and honor them, it’s our own fault when other people take advantage or are allowed to take the reigns. Harsh, but true! Start honoring your boundaries. Make that list of non-negotiables. You are worthy and deserving of them!
Not every client you have assumes they are your boss just because they paid you to do something for them. Most clients are awesome and so grateful that you were able to help them out and do what they either didn’t want to do or couldn’t do. But for that 1 in 87 that does make that assumption? Stand your ground! Honor your boundaries!
And remember this — ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS — no matter what that client’s perception or feelings are is on them, not you. And they most likely were not an ideal client for you in the first place.
Also, REMEMBER, you can’t please everyone. And it’s okay to say NO! It’s okay to fire a disrespectful client and move on. Just don’t let the client get away with not paying you for the work you have already done for them. But I’ll save that conversation for another day!
If you have made it this far, Woo Hoo! I know this is long, but I felt it was important to share.
I see so many women struggle and give up and it makes me sad. If this helps just one person stand up straighter, get more confidence to stand true for what makes them happy, and to take one step further away from that crappy lack mindset, my job is done!!
What mindsets or beliefs have you had to change to create your soulfull biz? How did you finally come to the realization it was time to change those mindsets or ditch those beliefs? I’d love to read your thoughts.
And if you think this will help someone you love, by all means pass it on!
Sending lots of luvs and hugs,
Kimberly Gypsy LoSavio
your SoulFull Biz and Life Mentor