Leaving my comfort zone causes great anxiety for me. My head starts aching, I start seeing little black and white floaties in my eyes, my hands get itchy, my feet get twitchy, my stomach gets all knotty and sometimes I want to just throw up. That’s what leaving my comfort zone makes me feel like. No lie!
Over the past several weeks I’ve been in this icky tug of war with myself about starting a WordPress meetup here in Spokane.
Finding out there weren’t any WordPress specific meetups here in Spokane made me think about starting one of my own. Of course, with that comes the whole responsibility of planning it, figuring out where to have it and of course hosting it. Way too far out of my comfort zone. So I walked away from the idea.
Several weeks later, it came back … nagging and tugging at my conscience. And that voice saying — “You know you need to do this.”
UGH! Go away! The thought of rethinking this through made me want to throw up! EEEUUUUU!
Another few weeks passed. And that voice got louder and louder. Of course it did! Because who else is going to do this, right?
Well, I finally sat down … for the 3rd time mind you … and starting filling out the MeetUp information to start my own WordPress meetup.
Let me tell you a couple of things about Meetup. Their FAQ is far from helpful. And you have to dig around to get any real answers. One should not have to work so hard to find the answers they need. Oh, and if you want to start a meetup, as the host, you have to pay the dues. Now granted, you can charge a nominal fee to each person to attend your meetings and stuff to cover these dues. But it is still kind of annoying that they are NOT up front about this rather LARGE detail on their website.
Once again, getting this far and finding all this out, I had to weigh the pros and cons of whether or not I really wanted to do this. Let’s just say that little voice won … again.
So, I came up with some key topics, a description, even a name. I was pretty excited – despite the whole having to pay dues to start a meetup. I hesitated on checking the box that says “Yes I agree to set a date for a meetup with people face to face”. There came that anxiety and pukey feeling. But I took a deep breath and told myself that this is right! So I checked the box.
Here’s what happens when you check that box. Meetup tells you that they are going to help you out with your first meeting and send out emails to other meetup members who have any one of those key topics that you choose for your own meetup. Cool! Nine invites you don’t have to send! Woot! Right?
And what meetup also does is give you a hint to who they are going to send invites to by showing you a pile of thumbnail images from the members’ profiles.
Here’s where my final struggle has come and where I am at now.
One of those thumbnails belongs to someone with whom I’ve had a personal BAD EXPERIENCE. You can read about it here - The Journey is ALWAYS More Important than the Destination.
Let me tell you! Just seeing part of that image made me put on the breaks, get up and walk away from my laptop.
Nope! No way! Not worth it! And I’m not going to do it! I do NOT want to deal with that woman again! EVER!!!!
And of course there came that nagging voice again. So I called a dear friend, who also had a bad experience with this person. Sadly this person got us both at once: me with the WordPress customization subcontracting and my friend with ghostwriting contracting. Fortunately my friend bowed out before the job started, lucky for her. As for me, I almost did not get paid for the 3 weeks of hell I went through working with this woman! UGH! (I did finally get paid, just for the record.) Anyhow, we talked and she said she would tag team with me and be my support person if I started the meetup. We figure if we are both there and this woman has the nerve to show up, one of two things will happen: A) she will leave right away or B) she will not bring up our past encounters.
So … here I sit … wanting to start a WordPress meetup here in Spokane and I’m in that quandary of all those dirty, nasty self-esteem and self-worth issues coming up all over again. It sucks! Do I let this woman win? Or do I push on and start something I KNOW will be helpful for a lot of WordPress enthusiasts here in Spokane?
Do I leave my comfort zone kicking or screaming or do I pull up my big girl panties and JUST DO IT?!?
Well, first I need a plan of action … especially if this woman decides to show up to the meetups. I don’t know how to deal with this sort of confrontation other than running away to the bathroom and puking. Yeah … probably would not be a very good idea, huh?
I also need to let go of all that garbage. I need to stop allowing others to take away my own power. And I need to own my own crap! She’s not responsible for how I feel, I am. She cannot take away my self-worth or my self-esteem. She is nothing! And she is definitely not worth any space in my head! End of story!
So I guess I will be creating that meetup!
How would you deal with this kind of situation? Please share your advice, ideas, possible solutions! I sure could use all the help I can get with this!